My companion - Fanfiction

Everything that’s happened in the last few days made Victor think through his deeds. Perhaps he was indeed a sexist and also had been too hard on Henry by throwing truths at his face that must have hardened his heart with anger and sarcasm. He wanted to apologize and, if possible, start over with him.

After finding the adress of Lord Jekyll’s estate, he knocked at the door and was welcomed by a butler that reminded him of Sembene. Victor was told to wait for a bit and by the time he was kept standing at the doorstep, Henry seemed to have deliberated for quite a while before letting him in. Victor walked through a hallway in whose walls hanged paintings of landscapes in India, a full-body-half-profile portrait of Henry and another of a beautiful woman of oriental features who wore a colorful party gown before arriving at the office from where he could hear Henry’s voice in whispers.

By approaching the door, he saw a Henry bent over a desk before piles of paper with a pen on his hand raise his gaze towards him... A shadow of a smile passed through Henry’s face, but once he noticed his own escapade, he closed his expression, making the lines of age of his forehead show. Everything in the new lord’s body language indicated he was already a master of his domain and Victor couldn’t help but think he liked to notice that, deep down.

- Dr. Frankenstein... I see you wanted to know my new home. You couldn’t help yourself after the news I’ve told you at Bedlam. - whispered Henry, sitting straight at the high-backed chair.

- It’s really a beautiful estate and you seem to be taking good care of it. I’m glad for you, truly. - Victor clutched the coat he carried over his arm against his body and moved cautiously towards Henry, who crossed a leg over the other and followed him with fiery eyes.

- Are you afraid of me, old man? - asked Henry when Victor grabbed himself a chair and sat before him. The other denied with his head, but it didn’t convince him. After a few seconds, Henry stood up in a single move, went to the double door and closed it behind him, leaning his back against it.

- No, I’m not. I came here to speak to you. I’ve been thinking of some things... In truth, I’m afraid we cease to be friends due to my last deeds and I’m sorry for it.

Henry slowly pushed himself away from the door and squinted his brown eyes.

- Ah, so now you think of my friendship for itself, after fetching for me with hidden agenda, getting in the way of my research to achieve your own ends rocking the results at my face like a glass of water in front of a thirsty man, judging me for wanting that for myself, although using it to shape a woman into your liking.

- It’s not my right or anyone else’s to interfere in one’s pain. Now I see that I could neither do that to Lily nor let you do it to yourself. Days ago you’ve told me we’re all both light and dark... As complicated and scary as it is, we cannot hold our pain against others or deny it for what it really is: part of who we are.

 - But I still can interfere in my own! - shouted Henry when he approached Victor. - And it’s too late for you to stop me; I’ve been using your method with my serum upon myself since the last time we spoke. It was the only way I could handle myself, even more so because even you are condescendant with my issues, have no idea how hard it is for me and also step on me like a bug just like all others.

Henry took a glass with a furious and trembling hand, trying to keep the other as steady as possible while getting the water jar to fill it. Frankenstein shifted nervously on his chair with his heart sped up with nervousness. He’s never seen such anger in his friend’s eyes and it looked like it has just begun. Henry looked like another man.

- You’re mad! What are you doing? What are you talking about? You look so different...

- I was mad when I thought that with the years you’d see your wrongdoing and would do some justice to the efforts I’ve done for you so as to never forget my own goodness! How many times have I pulled you out of the mud and cleaned your veins of the cocaine, ignoring your insults? I want to care for you and by consequence help myself, but all I recieve in return is someone who can only bring me down, you inconsequent racist!

Henry drank the water, but it certainly couldn’t calm him down. The young man closed his grasp around the glass and when he made a sudden move so as to put it back on the table, it shattered, cutting a few of his fingers. Victor motioned as one would to check what happened, but Henry turned away and took care of the wound himself.

- But... I had no idea! Henry... I... - Victor threw himself back to his seat as if he were tired.

When he raised his eyes, Victor heard Henry breathe with effort and suddenly his appearence began to change. He seemed to shrink, for his clothes folded over and looked loose in his body; his hair went frizzy, his handsome face got hollow and scary with saggy skin, his teeth usually impeccable looked rotten by the dacays. He looked older and crueler. Victor called out for Henry but a laugh was all he was given.

- Not Henry... Edward Hyde now, and you shall pay! - the creature within Henry’s clothes took a hot fireplace poker and pointed it towards Victor’s neck.

- But what... Henry would never hurt me! Where is he? - Victor felt tears over his eyes when the heat from the poker touched his face.

- Unavailable at the moment, old man. And part of the blame goes to you.

- Please, Henry, I know you can hear me. Whoever this thing is, I can help you deal with it. I’ve seen something similar happen to a friend. I know you don’t want to do this. I sincerely thank you for saving my life once more and ask for your forgiveness. I’ll never hurt you in that way again, I swear! - Victor moved his hand towards the one of Hyde’s wich held the glowing poker.

The part of Henry that was opposite of Hyde, both being inhabitants of the same body pretty much literally, didn’t want to get carried away by Frankenstein’s words, they seemed too good to be true... The resentment he had for the other felt strong enough and Hyde would’ve settled the scores very soon...

If Henry had not allowed himself to believe in them. Although he deep down only accepted to get into Victor’s absurd game because he missed his old mate and wanted his attention and then thought he was a coward for not going through with Lily and the serum, Henry still hoped things could be as they were; that Victor would treat him better after all and get to see what’s been obvious in his eyes for all these years. Henry loved Victor the same way Victor thought he loved Lily.

Henry’s expression changed a bit, as though he were feeling some sort of deep pain. He moaned and his eyes popped; slowly his face started to go back to normal, as did his posture... The fright made Henry drop the poker on the floor and turn his back on Victor so as to unable the other to see him change and mostly cry.

- Henry, look at me. - said Victor quietly, breaking the overwhelming silence. He got up and stretched a hand to touch Henry’s shoulder

- I am so sorry, old boy... I’m scared! - Henry turned back to face Victor and clinged to his touch.

 - I know, Henry. But we’ll figure it out, eventually. - Victor made the other sit down and gave him some water, crouching down before him.

Victor saw Henry take one of his hands into both of his, looking him straight in the eyes with an intensity and tenderness never seen before. F.’s known those eyes for a long time and at that moment there was something that stopped him from breaking the contact. As though they were black holes whose gravity made him fall into them with no fear.

- Victor... Perhaps I am making a mess of everything, perhaps I am really mad for seeing things where there is nothing, but even if so I feel them and they already make it worth it for what they make me feel and remember, even if I don’t have it back. They remind me that despite my wrath, my darkness, I can still love and be gentle, care for another person as I loved and tried to take care of my mother and love myself. Aside from everything you do to hurt me. I must be freed of this, talk about this.

“For years I’ve been trying to squeeze into a little corner of my heart something that is much bigger than me that hasn’t changed despite all, being always here... That’s never given me calm or peace and that only strengthened after we’ve met again, for I could see you once more, reliving my hopes. We don’t choose these things, old man. What I’ve carried within me all this time is the hope that not only you are able to see the times when you mistreat me, which I know you can do, for all our history together. I know that you can be sweet, generous and kind when you want to...

“But also the sincere wish that you notice what I’ve been trying to deny and supress, but that today I know is written all over my eyes, my face right now. Something that does me as much good as your company or the memory of you at school with me, reading poems with great passion at night so as to help sleep after fighting the bullies and as bad as the same offenses coming from you or your arrogance...

“What you saw minutes ago is complicated, but what kept my fury from killing you was... The fact that I love you. I love you, Victor, that’s exactly what you heard. I love you, although your deeds don’t make you worthy of my love in theory. Because it’s not about deserving; I offer you my love freely because I want to and because I know you want to be loved.

Henry’s tone made Victor feel he referred to something more, something that went beyond what they already had.

- Please, Victor. Say something... Take me out of this misery, I cannot handle it anymore... - Henry ran a hand through Frankenstein’s face, resting it over his neck. He felt Victor’s pulse speed up from under his fingertips.

The craving for physical contact and some sort of response from Victor made Henry stop caring about the consequences. He brought the other’s face closer to his, whispering a shaky “I need you”. Victor didn’t seem to marvel at the attitude and surprisingly let himself go; he shifted on the floor to stand on his knees for a metter of comfort. Henry leaned his cheek against one of Victor’s, depositing little tear-tasted kisses; kisses that tasted like the tears from both of them, which were so soft that barely dared to touch him.

- Do you remember, old boy? Of that daybreak when the hooka’s smoke had the opposite effect and ourged our greatest truths from us? I haven’t forgotten... But what about you? - Henry turned his face over so as to whisper towards Victor’s mouth before kissing it with the sensual and yet tender thirst with which a hummingbird tackles princess earrings. Henry’s breath was fresh like summer rain.

Victor let himself be kissed; it felt so sweet, so comfortable, so familiar that, although he went breathless, he noticed his own hands were tangled in Henry’s hair and that he responded to the gesture with as much intensity. Victor himself felt that not even when he gave in to Lily the sensation was the same as now... Or as in the day Henry spoke of. It felt better, much better. Nothing could make him push Henry away, even if he tried or wanted to.

- I remember... Henry. - whimpered Victor when they set apart for a milimiter. He heard a cuckle come from Henry’s chest. - But I didn’t know that...

- Open your eyes, Victor. I’m the one who’s always wanted you. And you love me too. Or are you denying what’s happening? - Henry’s tone was that of someone who’s laughing as they speak; which was true, for he tried to swallow a laugh as he grabbed F by the waist again.

- I get so worried in being someone unshakable, who’s got control over everything, that I don’t know how to acknoledge my ephemeral parts. The poets did that for me, it was easier. - Victor took a deep breath, feeling Henry’s cologne run through his lungs. He looked like a small child in Henry’s arms. - I entered med school because I felt empty since my mother’s death; I wanted to spare others of such pain so badly and was so drowned in my own sorrow that I couldn’t admit to myself that you brought me that life.

“The truth is that I’ve always been afraid of confessing I was attracted to you. Despite everything you’ve suffered and suffer even from me, which I’m deeply sorry for, you’ve always fought to stand your ground, to be recognized and well-treated. Such  humble posture, and yet as righteous and haughty as a king’s; I’ve always found it beautiful. Even those who always humiliated you for your color couldn’t deny that. And also because you are... A very handsome man. You’re beautiful, Henry.

For a second, Henry thought he would hear Victor say something like “for a wog”, but a weight slipped out of his chest when nothing else was spoken. Henry wanted very much to believe Victor was being honest, just like he was. Henry loved him and hoped all of that was a proof Victor would retribute his love and patience.

- Thank you, old man. Likewise. - Henry felt his face blush and held Victor tighter. - I love you.

- I love you too, Henry. Forgive me for everything, I’m really sorry.

- If I hadn’t forgiven you, you’d be dead already. - Henry looked away, but quickly changed the subject. - If this is what it is... Will you stay with me for the night?

- Henry! I... What do you mean?

- Come on, you fool. Are we together or not? Was all this for nothing, like smoke in the wind?

- We are together, yes. I want to be with you. But are you sure that me moving in is wise? There’s my lab at the boarding house, all my things... What will the others think of this? You built yourself a reputation at Harley Street and...

- For God’s sake, Frankenstein! I’ll find a way later. How I hate that bunch of hypocrites! But I won’t let you live any longer in that slum smaller than a pilchard’s tin. I’ll send for your things right away; from now on, if you so desire, this is your home as well. The lab I have here is tremendous, we can share its space without trouble. Do you want it?

Victor’s eyes sparkled; his body language and way of speaking were the same as when he talked about Lily at Bedlam. But now it was because of Henry and he couldn’t help but love that.

- I do! I want it, old man. You know what? I just found out that a few friends of mine are spending a season in Cairo, at another friends’ who’s living there now. I’d love you to meet them some day... We can wait for their return and have a tea together....

- So you have other friends aside from me now, huh? HAHAHAHAHA I’m joking, Victor, that’s excellent. I can’t wait. By coincidence or not, my boss at Harley Street told me I could take leave for a while if I want to. We can get aboard tomorrow. But I doubt you can handle the heat of the desert.

- Go on, mock me. I want to go there to introduce you to them, as my old college mate and...

- But now I’m more than that, am I not, old boy? - Henry’s face was frowned, his voice sibilant, but firm.

- Yes, you are. You are my companion.

Henry noticed the euphemism but chose to remain silent for now. Victor was with him, it was all that mattered.

O tempo

e as circunstâncias

nunca separam

amigas de

verdade.

Não existe nada que eu queira

mais do que o seu bem,

do que a sua felicidade.

13/06/2011

Eu sinto falta de olhar pro mar. De pisar na areia, de vagar em silêncio escutando os barulhinhos, perdida em meus pensamentos. Quero vê-lo de novo, pra pedir que suas ondas levem minhas tristezas também.

24/06/2016

Talvez a razão pela qual eu até hoje me desculpe direta ou indiretamente contigo quando tu me vês chorar tenha a ver com a minha infância.

Hoje eu percebo que em boa parte das vezes em que eu chorei quando criança, não foi por simples manha… Tenho a sensação de que desde a mais tenra idade eu já estava dividida entre o que eu queria e o medo de desapontar os adultos se não pendesse para o outro lado, entre outros motivos.

E a vida toda eu fui de uma forma ou outra punida por chorar, por demonstrar fraqueza… Embora eu seja tão sensível e seja tão fácil para mim liberar a represa quando os botões certos da emoção são apertados, é difícil que eu não me sinta envergonhada quando isso acontece num lugar onde eu não consiga me esconder; onde eu ocupe espaço e chame atenção.

Mas desde o começo tu jamais me julgaste pelas minhas lágrimas, e apesar do meu medo, tomou-as como parte de quem sou… Ainda quero poder aceitar a nós dois como tu até hoje me aceitas; mesmo as partes que não conhecemos ainda, um do outro e de nós mesmos.

28/06/2011

Depois de tudo o que eu passei, você é uma das melhores coisas que aconteceram na minha vida; todos os dias eu agradeço aos deuses por tu existires e por ter te colocado no meu caminho. É bem possível que você esteja no meu destino. Obrigada por tudo, meu anjo. Eu sempre vou estar do teu lado.

Home is wherever we are together - Fanfiction - Chapter 2

After arriving at Cairo, the three of them booked rooms from a hotel and decided to look for Mr. Lyle’s house and make him a surprise by tea time. The heat and the sun caused quite an alarming change in Vanessa: she decided to buy herself very distinct clothes from those she was normally seen wearing, in material but mostly in color. Low-necked white silk dresses, adjusted at the waist, some with embellishments and all of them having long flowy skirts that tangled around her legs with the wind.

Ethan’s always thought Vanessa was beautiful, but this time for him she looked more than ever like a goddess, an angel, a vision from the desert, mainly due to her raven hair worn loose, elegant posture and expressive stare. Perhaps most of all the white color served as symbolism for the peace she seemed to be finding at last.

Getting to the opulence of the door they were sure that belonged to Ferdinand’s mansion, the gentlement allowed Vanessa to ring the bell and kept wondering how the house looked like from the inside and their frend’s expression after seeing them standing there, of all places.

- I’ll do it, Ahmed. I answer the door. Set the table for tea, if you please. - They heard Ferdinand exclaim in his well-known French accent. The trio wouldn’t dare to breathe with the excitement when they noticed his steps along the hall.

When he opened the door, Mr. Lyle randomly said a common Arabic greeting because he couldn’t see well with so much sun in his eyes. Sir Malcolm replied to it as the local habit demands and positioned himself so as to block a bit of the sunlight from the little man’s face. Vanessa had no idea what to do or what to say; she had tears in her eyes and took Ethan’s hand by instinct, who responded to the gesture by getting closer to her and leaving a kiss on her temple. The seconds that followed passed like an eternity.

- But… Sir Malcolm?! Miss Ives?! What… But this is Mr. Chandler! It’s wonderful you took the trouble to come here! I really didn’t think… You cannot imagine how happy I am with the surprise. - they had never seen Lyle wear such a delighted expression; soon all were showed in and the host kissed Vanessa’s hand in his usual manner.

- We are the ones who are glad to be here, Mr. Lyle. There’s much you don’t know, but what matters is that we’ve come to spend a season in Egypt to keep you company. We hope you don’t mind our sudden arrival. - said Ethan when the two of them shook hands.

- Of course I don’t mind, my dear Mr. Chandler! Speaking of, I insist you stay at this house, it’s got many rooms and I’ll love to welcome you here; I’ve missed you all dearly and fortunately we’re going to have plenty of time to talk. - Lyle stood closer to Ethan so as he could look straight at the other’s eyes. - You’ve had your hair cut, Mr. Chandler… It becomes you, it lets your face show.

Ethan just smiled and gently patted the older man at the shoulder. Then Lyle decided to show them his home and introduce them to Ahmed. They could see he got especially excited when he mentioned the name, which made Ethan and Vanessa share a glance. Surely he wasn’t just a mere house staff member.

When they entered the tea room, where a young man close in age to Frankenstein was capriciously setting the table, Lyle hooked an arm around one of his and brought him towards his friends.

- Ahmed, my love, these are friends of mine from London, who came to spend some time with us. Sir Malcolm Murray, the ever so beautiful Miss Vanessa Ives and Mr. Ethan Chandler, who by the way has quite a gunbelt and is also an American, you see. -  Ahmed gave each of  them a shy but friendly smile nonetheless, bowing slightly.

Ahmed was a tall man of slim constitution, with amber eyes that were a little pulled, firery because of the natural light coming from the big windows with curtains open. His hair was wavy and almost black, coming towards the middle of the back of his neck and that slowly fell over the sides of his head when he moved. His face was plain and dusky. Born and raised in Cairo with proud.

He was the secretary at the museum where Lyle began to work; they had met properly not long after Ferdinand’s arrival in town. What was most attractive to Lyle about him was eactly the fact that most of the time the young man remained almost unnoticed, but trying to make himself useful as much as he could. About two months later, both started going out together and eventually dating. Ahmed acts as Lyle’s translator from and to Arabic and has been learning to read hieroglyphics.

Everyone showed their joy for Lyle being at a place where he was sure he could be whoever he wanted and with someone who apparently made him very happy. Vanessa had the feeling Ahmed was a pure-hearted man and it gave her a sense of relieve.

Lyle asked how were things going for his friends up until that moment and for now they chose to say that Ethan settled a few scores in his homeland before going back to England, Sir Malcolm went hunting in Africa and Vanessa followed Lyle’s advice and asked for the help of dr. Seward, who did her best to help her… After a few seconds of mysterious quiet, Ethan and Vanessa announced they were officially a couple; which made Lyle propose a toast  and that after tea they sould send for their luggage so as to settle there.

Ahmed and Lyle took aside the bedrooms from the end of the corridor to their friends, which had balconies and a great view from the street, which got lit like a huge party by evening. Vanessa opened the door to the balcony after putting on her nightgown and brushing her hair.; she wanted to feel the colder wind after a tiring hot afternoon. The sky was cloudless, full of stars…

She felt Ethan’s presence and closed her eyes when Ethan wrapped an arm around her waist. The moon was full, but Ethan whispered her that that night the danger had passed; they could sleep together and no one needed to worry.

- You are as beautiful as the moon to which I am slave, Vanessa… And I think that perhaps one day I might love it as much as I love you. My comfort is that it brought you to me. I don’t know what I would do without you. Grace of my life is what you are.

- Now we are at peace with ourselves, Ethan… We could give it to each other and now I’m most certain God has never left my side, for He has sent His Wolf to be with me at the darkest hours and bring me back to the light.

Then she let herself be taken to bed in Ethan’s lap, nested into his chest. And they whispered a hacking Lord’s Prayer among Vanessa’s sighs and his kisses upon her neck, which smelled of rosemary and sweat from a clean body.

Home is wherever we are together - Fanfiction - Chapter 1

Vanessa could hardly believe that had really happened. That after yet another cycle of doubt, fear and hell, when Ethan left and made her think God had abandoned her, taking away her greatest source of hope and faith; when she reckoned the easiest way to end the torment was to give herself over to the dragon and embrace what supposedly was her destiny, as painful as it could be to the people she knew and even strangers…

Ethan came back and would never leave her again. She was in his arms once more. She would never feel afraid again and together they would face whatever came until the end of the days. How brave he was, the Wolf of God… And how she loved him for not giving up on her. For not letting her forget her own happiness in this lifetime, even when all Vanessa wanted at that time was to die. Because, deep down, she wanted a life, as troubled as it could be. There were things and people that made it all worth it. At his side, she’d find the light that seemed so distant.

After a few days of shock where both Ethan and Vanessa would lie as close as they could, savouring each other’s taste and smell and crying themselves to sleep, they would invite Sir Malcolm for a new adventure. She wanted to check in on her friend Mr. Lyle and to know his new home; so they took a ship to Cairo taking his adress that was written in a letter to see what the sands had to offer them.

Nunca deixe

de sonhar.

A vida é

feita de escolhas.

Escolha se quer

voltar, viver

ou correr.

Preciso saber

o que sinto direito

pra não

magoar nós dois.

Ao mestre que se foi

Na verdade, a vida é cheia de pequenas mortes, chegadas e partidas. Cheia de surpresas e novidades, que sempre acontecem na hora certa.

Pessoas novas chegam e passam a fazer parte de nossas vidas, fazendo diferença pela nova visão de mundo que nos proporcionam. Aprendemos muitas coisas com algumas delas, e acabamos nutrindo muito afeto e carinho por elas, apesar do pouco tempo que permanecemos juntos.

Já que as situações não acontecem por acaso, que sejas feliz onde estiveres. Foi bom ter te conhecido; ainda nos veremos de novo, graças ao laço que criamos contigo.

Não é um adeus, e sim um até logo.

Letícia Bolzon Silva

Para Pedro Duarte, autor do blog O Provinciano
14/07/2011

A noite dos olhos

Talvez eu não
olhasse nos teus
olhos por temer
que a noite
dentro dos meus
fosse escura demais.

Mas a verdade
é que nós
há tempos estamos
juntos nas minhas
veredas de espinhos.

Elas não assustam?

23/05/2015

É lindamente cruel que tenhamos uma consciência, uma psique tão complexa. A racionalidade que se desenvolveu em mim e fez com que eu questionasse minha fé vem tentando reduzir o que acontece com o ser humano a meros impulsos elétricos que são interpretados como emoções, sentimentos e sensações condicionadas biológica e ambientalmente, mas não consigo…

Isso porque na verdade não devemos nada ao universo. As estrelas não se importam com nossas falhas; simplesmente estamos aqui. A nossa única dívida no fim das contas é para conosco mesmos. Se são as emoções e o que vivemos com elas, através delas, que dão um sentido às nossas vidas, talvez o que todos precisemos para no fim nos juntarmos às estrelas de que somos feitos seja pelo menos a paz de espírito.

Nos devemos tanto isso quanto o perdão a nós mesmos.

XIII

Olá, meu anjo!

Dia desses, tu me falaste em expectativa. Do quanto não te sentes ainda preparado para o que as pessoas à nossa volta chamam de vida adulta. Eu entendo isso perfeitamente. Vivo esse medo todos os dias, principalmente estando num lugar e ligada a pessoas que não me deixam confortável, se entendes o que eu quis dizer. No fundo isso só alimentou meu conformismo e a sensação de que posso estar reclamando de barriga cheia.

Talvez o que mais me assuste sobre crescer é não conseguir me comprometer com as coisas em geral. Cometer erros grandes demais, que acabem afetando outras pessoas. Não conseguir ser alguém melhor ou mesmo… Ah. Conseguir equilibrar a logística obrigatória com aquilo que possa fazer de mim o que eu realmente for. As coisas simples, sabe.

Não conseguir voltar a acreditar em mim mesma. Fico feliz por mim em saber que realmente tenho meios práticos de ir atrás da vida que desejo para mim. Quero ter paz de espírito e para isso tanto eu como tu precisamos de paciência; tanto conosco mesmos quanto com as nossas circunstâncias.

Temos de pensar naquilo que mais importa para nós. Qual a expectativa que mais vale, que parece mais razoável. Por melhor que nossos pais nos queiram, ninguém nasceu para corresponder às expectativas de ninguém. Cada um tem o seu caminho e ninguém pode interferir.

Eu até hoje vivo com base nelas, como uma máquina programada, e isso só me fez infeliz e vazia. Não vejo a hora de me sentir livre de tudo. Principalmente da sensação de dívida e vazio. Talvez seja a única forma de eu conseguir aprender a não me cobrar tanto também. Aproveite o espaço que tu tens para pensar nisso, porque eu ainda não tenho esse luxo.

Que a gente dê nosso melhor em ser o que pudermos ser; sentindo que os dias valem a pena. Vamos ficar bem. Quando for a hora, tomaremos de vez nossas vidas nas mãos.

Obrigada por confiar em mim. Sinto saudades e te amo muito.

Da tua pequena.

Zona de conforto

A vida que eu quero viver está me cobrando pra que eu junte meus pedaços, todos espalhados por aí… Por muito tempo, apesar de saber o que sempre me perturbou, vivi em passividade. Condicionada a ser e agir do modo ao qual fui moldada. Agora eu tenho a chance de realmente fazer alguma coisa…

Mas será que eu vou ter forças para quebrar esse ciclo? Será que vou conseguir deixar de ser o que as circunstâncias fizeram de mim? Às vezes acho que estou de barriga cheia, mas de que adianta se não me sinto à vontade?

Eu sinto falta de olhar pro mar. De pisar na areia, 

de vagar em silêncio escutando os barulhinhos,

 perdida em meus pensamentos. 

Quero vê-lo de novo, pra pedir que suas ondas 

levem minhas tristezas também.

O exercício do silêncio

é a melhor maneira

de exercer

o auto-diálogo.

16/01/2012

O que eu puder fazer para que tudo seja diferente

 na minha vida, vou fazer. 

Nunca vou abrir mão das escolhas 

que me forem permitidas. 

Porque eu mereço me desintoxicar 

e escrever 

minha própria história.

Deusa poesia

Minha mente cada
vez mais racional
aos poucos forma
suas próprias opiniões
e toma lado,
procurando ser tolerante,
revendo meus conceitos.

Questiona a Deus
e a si,
mas não consegue
impedir meu coração
de ser poeta,
de orar para
o tudo etéreo
feito em palavras.